Deep down..

 Some days are just inevitably insignificant. Today is a perfect example of one of those days. But it doesn't have to be that way. I do realise that. I can do so many things yet somehow something is still missing and I so terribly want to find that missing piece of my life that keeps me awake at night. Darn you! Can't you not bother me? There's so many other significant things to look forward to in life. In fact, the time is inappropriate... at all. I mean, hey you're only 18 and you're already thinkin about all this crap that leads you no where in precise? Yup.. I can't deny it.. it keeps torturing me even though I tried to stop it,tried to get over it and tried so Fu**ing hard to ignore it but its still there.. stuck. I'm stuck... urrrggghh!!! you know how that feels? When you're stuck but nothing in the world can help you right this instant unless.. you change your own point of view. I know.. I know, that's why I'm stuck. I know everything, the bad luck, the bad perceptions, the falling reputation, your self distruction.. I know, its scary. The problem is, I just don't have the will power in me to overcome all this stupid crap, is it typical for an 18 year old girl to feel this way?.. uurrrghh.. I'm just so lost right now.. I'd better go lie down. huh

Yang nyata

Aku berserah,
dan terus berserah,
Lalu,
Pada satu detik malam hening itu,
Hati kecilku memberontak,
Marahnya api tiada penjuru,
Mengapa bersedih ketika gembira?
Mengapa menjauhi yang menyayangi?
Mengapa berdiam ketika dipanggil?
Sedangkan takdir itu pasti akan terjadi.
Yang dijanjikan itu pasti tertunai.
Tidakkah kau percaya dengan takdirNya?
Tidakkah kau yakin dengan kasihNya?

Aku terdiam dalam kegelapan yang berjalan,
Malu dalam diri ini tidak sanggup ku tunjuk padaNya,
Aku malu!
Selama ini tanpa ku sedari,
Aku hanya menunduk pada air mata,
Berserah tanpa arah tujuan,
Mengejar harapan yang palsu.

Kini,
aku kembali padaNya.
Tiada lagi ku ragu..
ampunkan daku..