Scared and maybe still in the comfort zone. u can do it. Allah knows.

Ya Allah, I feel so stressed out cuz I'm goin to sit for exam soon and I don't know how to juggle between herbalife and university. They all made it look so simple but i'm still scared. huh. relax. There's a solution to everything. and u're a muslim, ask for His guidance dude! Yea, I asked but now its up to me to change my life. all the students did it like snap. with their fingers. they do face rejections like I did w paklong. so I have to persevere and I'm so hungry right now uuurrghhh. Ya Allah, I want to qualify for spectacular but it means I hv to get 4000 ringgit! uuuurrgh Ya Allah, I'm strong, I can do this, I just need more courage cuz apparently with this speed I'm not goin anywhere. Urrrgghh. I'll do it. walk and talk. practice don worry k. u can do it Amy. U're trying to help ppl lose weight. u're doin the right thing. don be afraid k. Allah loves u that's allthat matters. He knows everything in ur heart. Just believe in urself k. Gud luck. u never noe till u try k. Take care. :D

Deep down..

 Some days are just inevitably insignificant. Today is a perfect example of one of those days. But it doesn't have to be that way. I do realise that. I can do so many things yet somehow something is still missing and I so terribly want to find that missing piece of my life that keeps me awake at night. Darn you! Can't you not bother me? There's so many other significant things to look forward to in life. In fact, the time is inappropriate... at all. I mean, hey you're only 18 and you're already thinkin about all this crap that leads you no where in precise? Yup.. I can't deny it.. it keeps torturing me even though I tried to stop it,tried to get over it and tried so Fu**ing hard to ignore it but its still there.. stuck. I'm stuck... urrrggghh!!! you know how that feels? When you're stuck but nothing in the world can help you right this instant unless.. you change your own point of view. I know.. I know, that's why I'm stuck. I know everything, the bad luck, the bad perceptions, the falling reputation, your self distruction.. I know, its scary. The problem is, I just don't have the will power in me to overcome all this stupid crap, is it typical for an 18 year old girl to feel this way?.. uurrrghh.. I'm just so lost right now.. I'd better go lie down. huh

Yang nyata

Aku berserah,
dan terus berserah,
Lalu,
Pada satu detik malam hening itu,
Hati kecilku memberontak,
Marahnya api tiada penjuru,
Mengapa bersedih ketika gembira?
Mengapa menjauhi yang menyayangi?
Mengapa berdiam ketika dipanggil?
Sedangkan takdir itu pasti akan terjadi.
Yang dijanjikan itu pasti tertunai.
Tidakkah kau percaya dengan takdirNya?
Tidakkah kau yakin dengan kasihNya?

Aku terdiam dalam kegelapan yang berjalan,
Malu dalam diri ini tidak sanggup ku tunjuk padaNya,
Aku malu!
Selama ini tanpa ku sedari,
Aku hanya menunduk pada air mata,
Berserah tanpa arah tujuan,
Mengejar harapan yang palsu.

Kini,
aku kembali padaNya.
Tiada lagi ku ragu..
ampunkan daku..

Ku hanya cinta segala yang dicintaiNYA

jujur ku katakan,
aku ingin merasa,
merasa segala yang ku lihat,
yang ku dengar,
yang ku tahu,
tanpa dapat merasa,
memang aku enggan,
pabila ia meraihku,
ku menolaknya jauh,
ku tahu,
segalanya cuma permainan dunia,
sengaja menguji ku,
sengaja meresahkan jiwa ku,
aku bingung,
segalanya sudah ku tahu,
padahnya,
bisanya,
aku tahu,
tapi masih ku tak mampu,
ya Allah,
mungkin bukan aku seorang yang berperasaan sebegini,
mungkin ada lagi yang sedang sepi,
dan sengaja menyepi,
jika benar,
jika segalanya aturanMu,
pertemukanlah dia padaku...

 Come with me

   It was the last day of work, every second of the day felt more precious than ever. She's gonna leave this place. All the memories. All the flashbacks. All the visualisations. They felt so precious. It hurts just thinking of leaving the very place where she first felt that strange feeling. She'd never wanna let it go. It was her first. He was her first. She felt it.  The strongest in that small cubicle where he always stood. Where she could always find him and held her breath without realising it a moment later.
     Then,time flew and the day went by swiftly. She still stood there, entering her own little world by the corner, oblivious to all the beings around her.While she was floating in her thoughts, a tall breathless guy came running in. He had on a black shirt and a pair of jeans. While panting heavily, his eyes were wide. Desperate to find the only person he came running all the way here for. Then he stood motionless. His eyes finally caught sight of her, standing alone by the corner. His senses pulled him closer to her.
      He stood there, an inch behind her. She felt his breath. She saw his shadow but still, she couldn't move. He held out his hand and turned her to face him. He tilted her chin slightly, gently with the slightest touch. Their eyes met. Both frozen and lost in each other's eyes. They stood there staring at each other for a few moments. And he finally spoke, "I came for your love...




I dreamt...

Kehadiranmu sepi

Dunia,
Mengapa engkau menjauhiku?
Adakah engkau merajuk kerana aku sering ke alam fantasiku berbanding alam nyatamu?
Aku akui,
Diriku kini sudah jauh berubah,
Tetapi itu bukan salah ku,
Engkau yang berubah dahulu.
Engkau tinggalkan ku terkapai seorang diri dalam lautan jiwa penuh gelora.
Mengapa engkau diam saja?
Padahal engkau tahu,
suatu hari nanti diri ini akan temui titian sengsara itu.

Engkau penipu!
Selama ini dalam kesetiaanmu tidak pernah engkau beritahu ku.
Kejamnya engkau,
sanggup kau biarkan aku lalui kepedihan ini tanpamu.

Aku terkilan,
Namun,
tidak akan ku diamkan.
Tidak lagi!
Aku akan bangkit,
Kau lihat saja.
Diriku yang kecil ini tidak akan ku biarkan kau tipu lagi.

Aku akan bangkit,
Kebahagiaan itu milik aku!
Dapat ku rasa kewujudannya sedang memanggilku.
Walaupun beribu batu harus ku langkah,
Aku sanggup,
Kerana aku yakin...

float me

Lend me this serenity,
If you're kind enough,
I'll open up.
Let me float,
If not in the clouds,
Just in your heart,
I'll be here,
Remembering,
To strengthen my days,
To not fall to the ground,
To not surrender in darkness,
Just,
To find happyness,
in your serenity...

Pergi...

Ya Allah,
Ampunkan Amy kerana membenci perasaan suci ini yang telah Engkau anugerahkan kepadaku.
Ampunkan Amy kerana terpaksa mengkufuri nikmat yang pasti Engkau bekalkan kepada setiap hambaMu.
Ampunkan Amy kerana telah berlaku zalim terhadap diriku yang sememangnya milikMu.
Ampunkan Amy kerana pertama kali enggan menerima rezeki yang telah Engkau sediakan untukku.

Ya Allah,
Aku hanya ingin melihatnya bahagia.
Bahagia keranaMu, sedih keranaMu.
Aku ingin dia melihat duniaMu dari mata hati seorang hamba yang lemah dan hina.
Aku tidak rela membiarkan dia pergi tanpa arah tujuan menuju ke jalanMu.
Kerana itu, aku tetap mengharap, menunggu dan terus berdoa.
Tetapi, sehingga saat ini aku tetap keliru,
mengapa dia ya Allah?
mengapa dia yang Engkau pilih?
mengapa cintaku yang Engkau pilih untuknya?
Aku tidak rela.
Ampunkan daku, sungguh aku tidak rela,
Kerana dia sudah berpunya.

Ya Allah,
aku hambaMu yang sangat lemah.
Dugaan yang Engkau berikan kepadaku kini semakin melemahkan diriku.
Lepaskanlah aku ya Allah.
sungguh aku tidak mampu...
Izinkanlah aku bahagia

Futile

Ya Allah,
I miss You,
yet You've been with me all this while.
I'm sorry for being so ungrateful these past few days,
I've been lost in my own little world,
insecurity has been following me around all day,

the world just seems so cruel,
it makes me miss You more than ever,
I feel so fragile like a piece of glass,
yet that piece of glass is safely wrapped up,
sealed,
invisible...
untouchable...


Ya Allah,
I've always turn to You for comfort,
I've always asked for wishes my whole life,
but this time,
the wish i'm asking for is ineffable,
sometimes I stop breathing,
guilt will conquer me every time,
but I kept goin,
believing,
even though I knew,
deep down,
I would never deserve something so perfect.

Lost Soul

Wouldn't it be nice,
to just jump around,
with nothing on your mind?

Or wouldn't it be nicer,
to gaze at the sky,
knowing that someone out there is gazing back?

I've never felt the sweetest thing in life,
yet somehow I knew,
that feeling is within me all this while.

Why is it so weird,
that when we grew up,
we're further apart?

My memories of you are so vivid,
they're aching inside,
our childhood,
our playtimes.
why must you change,
when everything's perfect?

Wouldn't it be nice,
to just jump around,
with nothing on your mind?

Like we were,
Once upon a time.